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For vs. Because



I've done so much for and because of you.

When you told me you needed my help, I was willing at first. I shopped for you. Saved for you. Sacrificed with you in mind. Went without much so both of us could have a little. I gave up my money, time, space, and energy for you, and the end result was satisfying at first. It felt good to know I was helping make sure you were okay for a while because I figured that if I helped you reach your goals, you'd be able to pay me back sooner and help me reach mine. I did things for you because my expectation was that this relationship was mutual.

One problem was your persistence. You expected my help to come without questions or complaints no matter how many times you asked for it. So as the days became weeks, months, and years, your debt to me rose without you making any payments towards it. You made promises you never intended to keep. Talked about things you wanted to happen, but weren't willing to work towards. Meanwhile, I had to pay your debt because you never seemed to have money for it. You convinced me that I had to help pay your bills because you weren't managing what you brought in. That I had to take care of you because you didn't want to for yourself.

As this pattern became an established norm, I realized what was happening. Because of you, I was on a constant decline. Going without enough sleep. Not being able to do what I needed because I was doing what you wanted with all of my time. Because of you, I was stressed and exhausted. But when I asked for my money, time, and space back, you replied with excuses and reasons for why you needed it more. Why I should still be willing to give. Why my problems were nothing compared to yours. Why you were in a darker place than me.

Because of you, I reached your level.

Now I was the one with hardly any money to cover my bills. I was the one who couldn't shop like I needed or save like I wanted. And you still needed help. But since you couldn't get it from me anymore, you left. Finally, the phone calls and text messages asking for things stopped. The requests for twenty, fifty, or a hundred dollars. For gas money. For things from the store. For rides to and from work. Finally, there was silence from you. Because I had nothing you needed.


**


Now, I do things for and because of me. I acquire debt because of how I chose to spend my money. I shop for what I need and splurge on what I want. I do for me what I did for you. Take care of myself for myself. My money, time, space, and energy is mine, and I decide if, when, how much, and who I want to give it to. No more do I spend or save with you in mind. I work for me. Sacrifice for myself when necessary.


I'm free from


Your

Over-bearing

Ungratefulness


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